nothing to lose
Today, the furniture man aka kitchen guy hit a deer on the freeway and then hit a wall. His multi-colored volkswagon golf was totalled and luckily he walked way with a just few bruises.
It is an overused clique, but I was reminded once again that we don't live forever. That we don't live long enough to play it safe all the time. The day I met him, I was open enough to the universe to smile and say hi. I didn't know then we are both thirty, have daughters the same age, grew up in PA, are surviving marital breakdowns and even share a set of third cousins. I would never have guessed that a self described woodworker/motorhead/metallica enthousist and an intellectual/vegetarian/pedestrian could become friends.
When he described hitting the sliding off the road, my heart rose in my throat. I was gently surprised by how much I have grown to appreciate his daily calls from the lunch room, meeting at the Roastery, talking laughing and drinking coffee, complaining to each other about our ex's. How I needed someone who simply likes me, thinks I'm awesome and tells me that alot but doesn't expect the moon in return.
We made a deal on day one, neither of us is in a place where we can afford to get too close or involved. I thought I was doing well in practing my detachement until I visualized him getting out of his damaged car and walking home alone in the dark on his 31 th birthday. I couldn't admonish him for not calling me to pick him up, we were to remain completely independant, that was our agreement. That deal was going to keep us safe from get hurt.
The deal didn't keep him safe from a car crash. And didn't keep me wanting to reach thru the phone and put both arms around him.
I'll have wait until tommorow to do just that. Even if caring about each other wasn't part of our deal.
It is an overused clique, but I was reminded once again that we don't live forever. That we don't live long enough to play it safe all the time. The day I met him, I was open enough to the universe to smile and say hi. I didn't know then we are both thirty, have daughters the same age, grew up in PA, are surviving marital breakdowns and even share a set of third cousins. I would never have guessed that a self described woodworker/motorhead/metallica enthousist and an intellectual/vegetarian/pedestrian could become friends.
When he described hitting the sliding off the road, my heart rose in my throat. I was gently surprised by how much I have grown to appreciate his daily calls from the lunch room, meeting at the Roastery, talking laughing and drinking coffee, complaining to each other about our ex's. How I needed someone who simply likes me, thinks I'm awesome and tells me that alot but doesn't expect the moon in return.
We made a deal on day one, neither of us is in a place where we can afford to get too close or involved. I thought I was doing well in practing my detachement until I visualized him getting out of his damaged car and walking home alone in the dark on his 31 th birthday. I couldn't admonish him for not calling me to pick him up, we were to remain completely independant, that was our agreement. That deal was going to keep us safe from get hurt.
The deal didn't keep him safe from a car crash. And didn't keep me wanting to reach thru the phone and put both arms around him.
I'll have wait until tommorow to do just that. Even if caring about each other wasn't part of our deal.
posted by Christine R.G. at 11:56 PM
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